“I’m Not Ready to go Yet!” Declared my Soul…

8_I'm not ready to go yet

IMAGE: Cassowary sign to encourage careful driving at Mission Beach, Queensland, Australia © Louise A. Shilton


In March 2004, just two months after migrating for a job with a major scientific organisation in Australia, I was badly injured as a front seat passenger in a car accident (some of the events and circumstances following this incident are written about in last Sunday’s blog).


As we were hurtling down a hill towards a massive gum tree, I tried to grip my seat as I faced my own mortality. And in an instant that I will never forget—my soul spoke.


The ‘voice’ emanated from deep within me with a quality and clarity unmatched by anything I had ever heard before. Neither originating from my vocal chords, nor passing through my lips, but essentially of me, this voice declared “I am not ready to go yet—there is still so much that I want to achieve!”


In that instant, the car swung to the right and my right arm, which was clinging to a handle it discovered to the right of the seat—the “Jesus handle” according to one of the medical doctors I saw in the first follow-up after my arm was plated, so called because people shout “Jesus!” when gripping in fear for their life—was pulled apart upon impact with the tree. My first thought was a genuinely astonished “Fuck! I’m alive!”, as for a moment preceding this, I had not expected to be.


I remember that as I believed I was facing my own mortality everything went green—a grey-green, a bit like when looking through night-vision goggles (something I have done for observing nocturnal wildlife as an ecologist). Also, as I’m sure anyone who has been in a serious accident has also experienced—everything slowed down—time slowed down just before the impact, and during this slowmo experience, my soul declared in no uncertain terms its desire to stay in the human experience!


I’m glad that my soul did this by the way. I’m grateful that my soul knew what to do in that moment, as my human self only knew to grip Jesus handle in a futile attempt to not fly through the windscreen upon impact with that bloody big gum tree!


While several challenging years of awakening—and my own resistance to spiritually awakening—followed, I can honestly say in recent years that my love of life, and sense of purpose, is greater than ever.


But at that time, trained in the biosciences, I had been a proud atheist for many years, and was working as a research scientist in a small regional office where the culture was hardly conductive to spiritually “waking up”.


While I was aware that I had always possessed an acute ‘intuition’ and readily acknowledged that many animals have superior senses to humans and can see and hear things that most of us cannot, and while I had even pondered that everything is energy vibrating at different frequencies, I had not at that point seriously considered that we are not a human being having occasional ‘spiritual’ experiences, but that we are actually spiritual beings having a human experience.


Hearing the voice of my soul began to subtly change this for me—I knew that I had not called out in fear and I also knew that it was not my imagination. I didn’t ‘believe’, I was a skeptic with an open mind, and yet my inner being—had calmly, clearly and confidently declared “I am not ready to go yet!”


I was grateful to be alive and I knew that something profound had happened, but I didn’t know what to do with it, so I just tried to get on with life. Funny to look back now and see that I didn’t really ‘do’ anything with this experience for another 5 years, by which time I had also experienced major grief and loss, and had additional profound and otherworldly experiences that pointed to the very real existence of our soul.


I have done some pretty challenging, some would say courageous others would say crazy, things in my life. But in some ways, the most challenging thing I have ever done is shifting my paradigm of understanding the nature of our existence and death, to believing that the essence of who we are is our soul, and that our soul is eternal and immortal—our soul survives after our mortal body dies.


I now wholeheartedly believe in reincarnation, and I believe—oh Louise, away with the indoctrinated cautionary “we can’t really draw a conclusion based on the available data” scientific writing style—I now know that we have each had many past lives!


Since that car accident, I have heard my ‘inner voice’ again, as well as other souls communicating telepathically with me. These things only happen when they need to happen—you can’t just summon them up like “Ah hem, I would like my soul to speak loudly and clearly now please”. It just doesn’t work that way! Similarly with contact from spirits on the other side, communication is made voluntarily—it cannot be forced.


Before that car accident, and actually from the moment I was offered and accepted the position with this scientific organisation in Australia, while I was still living in the UK, I had an intuitive knowing that I was going to be in a car accident.


Unlike the John Cali quote below, I had never actually thought about or feared being in a car accident, or any accident for that matter, before this time. I had been a confident cyclist, and happily tackled congested traffic on London streets and “you are crazy cycling in Bogor streets” in West Java, Indonesia—an activity that prompted more than one acquaintance to jokingly call me “Orang Gila”. I loved nothing more, in my younger years, than getting up to 55 miles (nearly 90 km) per hour on my pushbike down a massive hill… Freedom! Joy!


I never worried about being hit by a car, or being in a car accident, or falling out of the sky in a plane, or falling over-board or being sunk in a boat (and I travelled many a choppy sea in a small boat across the Sunda Strait to my study site, Krakatau. (And incidentally, the boat I did 13 expeditions on did actually sink after hitting coral about a month after my last trip!)


But from the moment I was offered the job in Australia, I just knew in my body that I was going to be in a car accident. And, because I assumed that I might be the driver, I was reluctant to take passengers in those first two months—with a “if I’m going to be in a car crash, let it just be me and not injure anyone else” resolve that was ultimately futile, because actually I was the passenger!


But just two nights before the actual accident, I dreamt—and by this I mean lucid dreaming—the whole scenario. It made no sense when I woke up in the morning, because I was in a vehicle that (legally) carried six other people, none of whom I actually knew. But in my ‘dream’ I climbed out of the passenger door just like I did on the ground two nights later. And in my dream, everything went green. And two nights later I was indeed driven into a massive gum tree, down an embankment, at night, with five other passengers in addition the driver!


I now believe that this car accident was one of the possible “exit points” for my soul. A scenario in which I could have chosen to pass over, and return to spirit—to source—but I instead chose to live. My soul knew that I had this choice, even though my human self did not.


My human self was left wondering “Who the fuck was I talking to? I don’t believe in ‘God’!”


We realise that people don't want to die a painful death… But every death is really a suicide … Because nothing can happen to you vibrationally that you are not a party to… If you are constantly afraid of being in a car accident, you are probably going to die in a car accident.


John Cali, channelling Chief Joseph, Tuning In Movie


Have you ever heard the voice of your own soul?


I would love to hear about your own experiences in the comments…

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