People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again…
Today’s SNAPPY INSIGHT is a quote of the fictional character Doctor Marcia Fieldstone, in the ultimate romantic comedy “Sleepless in Seattle”.
My dad was a man of few words, and like many men of his generation, he struggled to express his feelings. But I’ll never forget one time in my late teens when I was feeling heartbroken, he said the old adage “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
In another romantic comedy (aka rom com) movie that I love, “Must Love Dogs”, the incorrigibly romantic and deeply philosophical Jake, played by John Cusack, has a theory that your heart grows back bigger when you have had “the shit beat out of you by love”. Jake muses, “I think the Universe lets your heart expand in that way…”.
I have always been an incorrigible romantic in that I have always believed in true love prevailing over all obstacles in its path, and the power of love to transform. I have also always refused to become bitter or jaded about romantic love just because of relationships ending. But I am acutely aware of how some people see romance as being akin to fantasy—the media, and to some degree the movie industry also, promotes blood and gore and fighting action as the stuff of real life. Romance is somewhat derided and denigrated as cutesy or comedic.
But I want to share this: heart expansion is a very real phenomenon! It’s something I have experienced in the last few years in a very tangible way through heartbreak and through meeting my closest soulmate—whom I love unconditionally, and always will. (This soulmate is actually my twin flame, but I didn’t know of this concept until a couple of years after we met.)
Back in 2006 or 2007 I had my first ever reading. The guy was recommended to me by an acquaintance, and even though my dad had passed over at this stage, it didn’t occur to me to even ask about my dad, and he wasn’t mentioned in the reading either. I went seeking life guidance, and so I never really thought of it as seeing a psychic medium, as this wasn’t what I went for.
He looked at my palms and used tarot cards. I was a skeptic, and there was no way I would have gone to see this guy if I had known he used tarot cards! But my life was turning upside down, so I participated in the reading, hoping for some kernel of wisdom. One thing he told me was that my heart was going to be expanded—he described how I was going to meet someone and it would be like breaking my heart open.
Now, I was already a pretty open-hearted person—so I was curious about this, but I really couldn’t imagine how my heart could actually burst open and expand like he described. (In part because, being trained in the biological sciences, I was thinking about the physical heart organ—I had no real concept of the heart chakra, or any of the chakras at this time.)
I had a couple of romantic relationships in the following couple of years, and my heart was certainly taking a beating! But then it happened. Three or four years after this guy had predicted it, I knew who my true soulmate was, and my heart burst open with unconditional love like I could not have even imagined was possible before. When we first met it was a magical and profound experience in many ways, and at some point I was aware that my heart literally expanded and became the Universe, my chest expanded to encompass the whole Universe, and everything—absolutely everything—was LOVE.
Finally I understood what this guy had described to me years earlier! My heart had been pummelled and pounded and prised open in the years before. I had endured grief and loss and trauma—I had been heartbroken. But this was all part of the process to allow my heart to expand, and quite literally, grow back bigger.
But I still didn’t really understand how what had happened was possible. I just knew what I had experienced. It took more soul searching and learning before I understood that it was my heart chakra bursting open and connecting with Source Energy—with All That Is. And All That Is, is LOVE. (True twin flames typically trigger the heart chakra connection, growth and expansion in each other when they meet in the physical. Cassady Cayne provides a wonderful infographic for nine signs of true twin flame recognition—I experienced all of these when my twin flame and I first met. Perhaps my twin flame did too?)
Opening our hearts is an important part of our life’s journey—it’s an important part of remembering who and what we really are as spiritual beings having a human experience. As spiritual beings, our true nature—and our real home—is pure, unconditional love.
People reach this state of awareness and heart expansion in different ways. Some may achieve it through meditation practice, others through having children, yet others through connecting with nature and animals. (I have heard Dr Brian Weiss, author of Many Lives, Many Masters and Only Love Is Real, describe a profound experience when he connected with the unconditional love of Source, and was told to “just love” his son, who was a teenager at that time. When his son was a bit grumpy on a subsequent morning, Brian remembered not to take it personally, and instead to just love him.)
When we are ready—and this is usually after a degree of pummelling like Jake describes in “Must Love Dogs”—our heart will literally expand by opening to receive the unconditional love from the Universe, from Source.
I couldn’t have wrapped my head around this until I actually experienced it. And the Universe guided me to and through this experience wonderfully. The way I perceive the world has forever changed. (I write about how we perceive the world in “The Look Of Love is in Your Eyes” and I write about my personal experience of heartbreak opening me to unconditional love in “On Heartbreak and Soulmates”.)