IMAGE: Walking the path at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco, I unexpectedly stumbled upon The Queen and her special consort Bond © Louise A. Shilton
“Sooner or later you are going to realise, just as I did, that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”
Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) to Neo “The One” (Keanu Reeves) in “The Matrix”
As I post this, I have just turned 43 years old. And I have to say, it is with a touch of genuine relief that I am able to declare this, because I’ve just had a very challenging couple of months during which I faced my own mortality…
Although it’s not the first time I’ve faced my own mortality, this time was notably different in a number of ways—one reason being that I do not fear death itself—I know that ‘death’ is only a transition from one dimension (or ‘reality’) to another. My only real concern with shuffling this mortal coil is that I wish to feel at peace with what I have achieved in this life when the time comes and, at this stage, I’m not quite there with this.
Don’t get me wrong—I am very happy with much that I have achieved in this life. I like and, for the most part, love myself as a person. I know I am strong, courageous and capable, and that I have a great deal of integrity. I strive for authenticity at all times. I know that I am a genuinely kind, compassionate and caring person. I am not afraid to be vulnerable and to love with my whole heart, and I am determined, patient and persevering. I can get triggered, as all people can—I am a work in progress—but I know that I am dedicated to continuing to evolve my soul, better myself as a person, and support others in doing the same. I am committed to being of service to Spirit and to humanity.
But in many ways I feel I have only just got started on my true path—and I’m not ready to go yet! I believe that I have much more work to do—that my life has great purpose—and I wish to fulfil this.
So when it occurred to me that I might in fact be facing my own mortality again during the last couple of weeks, my reaction was somewhat mixed. On one hand I felt that if it was indeed my time to go, then ‘they’ can just take me. (I don’t believe it is, or was, as intuitively I feel that I will live until around twice my current age.) My key concerns were simply that my wonderful dog, Solly, would be taken care of by someone who will love and appreciate him, and that I felt at peace with having done my best to achieve what my soul set out to achieve in this life. Neither of these concerns were particularly easy thoughts to process—but the latter was more challenging as it is more complex to feel a sense of ‘completion’ with my life thus far.
I hope, as I write this, that I am not declaring ‘success’ too soon—but, today, I feel a tangible, almost triumphant, sense of “I made it!” (Phew!)
Okay, so let’s wind back the clock a little…
It’s the mid-1800s and I am a tall nobleman called Albert. I was strong, smart, capable, socially progressive and—perhaps above all else—absolutely devoted and steadfastly loyal to my wife. She was my Queen. (My wife then was the soul I know in this life is my Twin Flame—my closest soulmate, and literally the other half of my soul.)
Our courtship was somewhat dogged with interference from others who attempted to control our interaction and the terms of our relationship because of her social status and the circumstances of our lives. After initially listening to the opinions and advice of others who were pushing their own agendas—and did not want what was truly best for her—the love between us prevailed, and my wife followed her heart and chose me.
We had nine children together, and one of our daughters was called Louise. Only a small sign by itself, I admit. But, while I have understood this past life connection and scenario for about four years now, there have been many signs both before and after this, including a fleeting, but vivid, spontaneous flashback when my Twin Flame and I lightly brushed finger tips as we passed each other in a doorway a few years ago. In addition to my intuitive knowingness and confirmations I have consistently received from my spirit guides, my Higher Consciousness has also shown me certain scenarios from that life—especially my deathbed scene. The recollection of my deathbed scene as Albert has occurred during regression hypnosis, as well as at other times, somewhat spontaneously.
The other day—while acknowledging to myself that some fears were creeping in with my current health predicament—I was reminded of the connection to this previous lifetime. I was then shown that Albert’s mother was also called Louise; thus, we named one of our daughters after her. (Noteworthy here is that I was named Emma when I was born in this life—my initial birth certificate shows that I was called Emma Louise. When I learned of this as a child, I asked my mum what caused her change of heart, as my mum said she had been set on the name Emma throughout her pregnancy with me. She said that when my nana first visited after I was born, she declared that she loved the name Louise but wasn’t partial to Emma, and my mum decided she felt similarly. My parents officially changed my name to Louise, and dropped Emma completely, when I was a few weeks old. This highlights something I touched on in my last blog—Destiny Rescue—course corrections and interventions that are made to nudge us back onto our intended path.)
But I digress…
In the 1800s, as Albert, I died aged 42. And this fact is very connected with my current life, and the lives of my closest soulmates.
When I died at 42, my wife (who was the same age) was inconsolable, and she grieved my loss for the rest of her life as a widow. She achieved much, and lived a long life, but the social circumstances coupled with her own notoriously stubborn will prevented her from opening her heart to truly loving again in that lifetime. She also carried much guilt inwardly as she felt that her fiery nature, and stubborn pride in resisting my full support of her with her duties, might have contributed to my early demise—she feared that I had given up on her and abandoned her. More openly she also blamed our eldest child for creating the circumstances that led me into a situation where I contracted an infectious fever and fell ill.
On each occasion that I have unexpectedly revisited my deathbed scene in the life as Albert, my wife was at my bedside begging me to stay with her—willing me to live. But I was shown each time that as Albert flicked in and out of blurred and feverish consciousness he momentarily crossed-over, and Spirit told him that he had to leave (his physical life) and could not stay with his beloved wife—it was his time to go. As Albert I wanted desperately to stay with her and continue to be her loyal companion and steadfast support, but I had to go—there were things that she needed to accomplish alone in that life. Albert was too weak from dehydration and his brain too addled to communicate this to his wife in his dying moments—but more than likely she wouldn’t have believed it then even if he had been able to vocalise what he had been told by Spirit.
What I have been shown repeatedly, and what has sat within my soul—longing for healing and release—is that leaving my wife as Albert was as traumatic for my soul as losing her beloved Albert was for my wife. (And, since we are Twin Flames, we both came into this life carrying these soul wounds and the associated energies from the trauma of grief, loss and abandonment.)
Let’s now fast forward to this life…
In early January last year I got a bit too much sun while chatting with a new friend. I hadn’t intended to sit around in the midday sun and I was unprepared for the sun’s intensity as we sat down engaged in conversation on the peninsular at Byron Bay (I much prefer to cover up than lather up with sunscreen). I vividly recall a new sensation for me as I felt that the tiniest, most insignificant freckle (I wouldn’t call it a mole) on my lower left arm suddenly tingled like it had just been activated by the sun’s rays*.
Only 18 months or so prior to this sensation had I first heard about an amazing balm that has apparently been used to treat cancer for at least 2,000 years, and which commonly goes by the name “black salve”**. When the tingling sensation continued and began to travel internally down my arm I intuitively felt that this could be the start of a cancer—and the spot was itchy in a way that spots are not usually itchy (at least, not in my experience). I knew some people who raved about using black salve on suspected cancers and swore it only drew out cancer cells, and I knew that a DVD was available on its use. I contacted a friend who gladly put a small blob of black salve on my pesky little spot, and covered it with a plaster. Sure enough, I felt the salve working its way into my body almost immediately, generating a warm tingling sensation with occasional sharper pangs. “Ooh, that means you’ve got something!” declared my friend, with a distinctly excited tone. “So it seems…” I said “I guess this means it might be a cancer***”.
I felt very relaxed about the whole process. I trusted my intuition and I had acted quickly. I also trusted the people who had told me about black salve and used it themselves, and I watched the DVD “One Answer to Cancer” by Elaine Hollingsworth. Intuitively I felt that this was a test for me to experience the unfamiliar sensations—to trust my intuition that something wasn’t right in my body—and to have the experience of using black salve. I documented the process with photographs, and I used the salve three times before I felt that it had drawn all the cancer out. Several months later I had a Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy (QHHT) session, under which my facilitator Tim—a friend from the Level 1 QHHT training course with Dolores Cannon that we did together—asked my Higher Consciousness about this experience and whether I had in fact gotten all the cancer out of my body. He also asked my Higher Consciousness to do a full body scan. (This is part of the power and range of possibilities of QHHT—the Higher Consciousness can scan the body for any physical issues if the client has consented to this.) My Higher Consciousness confirmed the nature of the test was for me to trust my intuition, and stated that I had got it all out and that there was no more cancer in my body. I had been curious, although I hadn’t worried about it, and after this session I felt confident that this particular test was done. (Tick.)
So I was initially a little nonchalant when I started feeling a similar niggling sensation in my left arm within a couple of months after the QHHT session. I left it a little longer this time before applying some black salve, but in late January this year I decided that I may as well use some salve on the new spot (the previous site is now a small scar) that was bothering me, because I had tested black salve on undamaged skin, and only the slightest reddening occurred. (During the QHHT session with Tim, my Higher Consciousness had concurred with the generally stated beliefs of black salve users that the salve only draws out cancer cells or “other impurities that shouldn’t be in the body”, so I figured I had nothing to lose.)
I wasn’t surprised or particularly alarmed when the salve immediately tingled on the new spot and started working its way into my bloodstream. I figured that the experience would be much like the previous test—although I was a bit non-plussed about why I needed another test of this nature—and I had words with my spirit guides and my Higher Consciousness.
In early February I had a second QHHT session with Tim. With regards to the current cancer my Higher Consciousness said that it was an experience that my soul agreed to have as a healer in this life, as I will encounter people who are in fear as a result of their cancer diagnoses. (My Higher Consciousness specifically stated I had not created the cancer out of fear or anger in my human form.) We were told that this was another test for me to intuit that something was not right and experience the use of black salve on a more aggressive cancer that had travelled in my body.
While I had become aware from the internal sensations that the black salve was drawing from up and down my left arm, across my chest, and from my upper neck, it was only at the time of the QHHT session that I started to get sharp pains from deep in my chest area—my Higher Consciousness stated it was the roots of the cancer starting to be drawn back by the black salve. Although my Higher Consciousness gave some reassurances and contributed to the healing process, it also said that a miraculous healing during the session was not my path as it was about me having the experience. Tim pressed the point as he knows that the Higher Consciousness is capable of providing complete on-the-spot healings—but my Higher Consciousness joked with him that while Tim would love to see the current eschar (lump of dead cells that was forming for elimination from my left arm) pop out right in front of his eyes, he was going to be disappointed on this occasion because it was important that I had the deeper experience with using the salve. (Miraculous physical healings during QHHT are very possible. Dolores Cannon, the founder of the technique, achieved such healings working with the Higher Consciousness—which she called the “subconscious”—of her clients. I have personally witnessed ‘miraculous’ healings myself doing this work. A caveat on this is that the Higher Consciousness will sometimes explain that they will not conduct a full healing because the experience—which may be a disease or injury—is something that the soul wishes to experience. And this was apparently the case in my situation with this cancer.)
So now my black salve versus cancer experience was at a whole new level. It was painful physically beyond the area of the black salve application, and there was something a little shocking about hearing my Higher Consciousness confirm that this was an aggressive cancer (a melanoma) that had already travelled quite extensively in my body. Until this point I had not taken pain relief (as I prefer to feel whatever I am experiencing rather than be numb to it), but after this it became necessary to take some over-the-counter painkillers.
While the first two eschars were relatively small, like my first experience with black salve last year, the next two were substantially larger and painful in their formation—once the black salve has killed the cancer cells, the immune system kicks in to push the lumps of dead cells out of the body. But I remained confident that the black salve and my immune system would do their jobs well, and that my arm would then heal with little more than a small scar to mark the ordeal.
After a few more weeks of this experience, and during the last two weeks as I write this, I began to realise that I was feeling the gravity of the challenge—my confidence and trust in living intuitively rather than conventionally was really being put to the test. I was aware enough to know that I had a choice whether to stay in faith and trust—engendering relative peace during the whole experience—or I could spit the dummy. I chose to spit the dummy (and indulge my ego a little)…
My dummy spit went along the lines of: “Haven’t I already had enough fucking challenges in this life?” “Like, seriously, do I really need another experience with cancer and using black salve?” Oh, and of course, I had to throw in that the timing wasn’t exactly convenient—there I was, at the start of the year feeling happy and healthy and like I was really getting going on my path as a healer. I allowed myself the comfort of believing I was going to have a smoother ride for a while as long as I trust in my intuition and guidance and then “Bang! You give me this. Thanks a bunch.”
My faith in Spirit and my trust in my Higher Consciousness were really being tested to the max—I was dealing with a cancer that (according to my Higher Consciousness) could be life-threatening if left unattended, and I was attending to it using only natural means (using the black salve in conjunction with supporting my immune system, alkalising my diet, and self-healing work). I was also 42—a somewhat onerous age for me in this life—and I was nearing 43. As I dipped into some fear about what I was experiencing—and how I was handling the situation—I was reminded of Albert’s pain and devastation in having to leave his beloved wife, and I briefly questioned whether I was actually going to make it to 43…
Indeed, my acute awareness of the connection between my life as Albert and a shared soul mission in this life with my Twin Flame—along with, and guided and supported by, another of our close soulmates who is now in spirit—made my age at 42 hugely significant. I had been repeatedly shown, and intuitively felt, an overarching understanding that my Twin Flame and I had wanted to unite in this physical life—to love and heal each other and ourselves—and this time, finally complete our human lives together. There was also a palpable sense of some sort of completion and end to a (karmic) cycle if our reunion were to happen when I was 42. And my Twin Flame came so very close to acknowledging our soul connection and the profound love between us while I was 42—but it hadn’t actually happened. Was I now going to have to leave her behind, again?
So just days away from my 43rd Birthday—while dealing with another sizable lump of unwanted cells gathering momentum to push up and out of my body—I lost a little faith in all that I had faith in. Perhaps it just hasn’t worked out as our souls had hoped and indeed planned? Perhaps I simply cannot complete our shared mission with our soulmate in spirit by myself—without my Twin Flame as my ‘partner in crime’, so to speak. Perhaps I will now be taken before I reach 43—“We’re bringing you back. Mission aborted”. I grieved for the great love that might have been. I grieved for our soulmate in spirit who has already given so much, and who I know is working so hard to get through to our teammate so that she comes on board with us on our shared soul mission before we have to move forward without her…
Now I’m 43—and I’m still here. Obviously there is more work here for me to do in my calling—in walking this path.
And who knows, perhaps through this renewed process of letting go of attachment to outcome and moving on from the potential of what might have been, the Universe will bless me with someone who has the courage to walk the path of open-hearted loving with me. There is much talk among my favourite channellers and teachers that this time is hugely important for shifting people out of unhealthy relationships and karma-based dynamics—that those of us who are ready for it are ushering in soul-based relationships with a new energy and renewed level of energetic connection. Perhaps the very experience I have been having was necessary for a shift that needed to occur. Time will tell. Right now my focus is squarely on restoring my physical body to full health and vitality—but I believe that anything is possible.
“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.”
*I don’t personally believe that skin cancers are necessarily caused by the sun. There is evidence that skin cancers, like all cancers, are a symptom of underlying issues that have compromised the immune system, especially where the liver is struggling to eliminate toxins from the body. (For example, this is addressed in Episode 3 of The Truth About Cancer’s documentary series “The Quest for the Cures… Continues”.)
**Readers should note that black salve is not approved by the TGA (“Therapeutic Goods Administration”) in Australia, but it is available for use on pets. I am not medically trained, and I am not advocating that black salve should be used by people for either suspected or diagnosed cancers. I am simply sharing my story.
***I have not at this stage had a conventional medical test for cancer, but I am intending to have a blood test when I believe all of the cancer is out. I have several eschars and some cancer tendrils preserved, and have thousands of photos documenting the treatment with black salve. It is my personal choice to trust in my intuition and my Higher Consciousness, and the work that I do. I am not advocating this level of trust in any alternative therapy by other people. I believe that faith and trust are powerful attributes in any healing process, and that this is the case also with conventional Western medicine (modern medicine). If a person believes that the best health care for them is through conventional Western medical practice, then I believe that they should definitely consider that route for their own health concerns.