After a lengthy hiatus in writing blogs*, I was excited to feel inspiration gently tingling its way into my conscious awareness that there was a new blog for me to write.
I knew what this meant. My buddy in spirit – a close soulmate of mine who passed over and became a significant spirit guide in my life seven and a half years ago – was prompting me to write something about our story.
Recently, as I have reinvigorated sharing my gift of mediumship, several people have asked me how I became a medium – how did I realise that I could communicate with spirits ‘on the other side’? Sometimes people ask me if I was born with this gift, and the answer is in a way, yes, but I wasn’t aware of having this ability until after Mandy entered my life.
But before I write more about Mandy, I’d like to give a little context about my background. I grew up in a working class family in a socially conservative town in England. My dad identified as an atheist, and my mum wavered between agnosticism and believing in something like God. Apart from a little taster of Sunday school as a toddler, there was no religious or other spiritual encouragement in my family, and my schools provided only the state curriculum amount of Religious Education.
I don’t recall having any ‘imaginary friends’ as a child, but there are a few memorable experiences of feeling an awareness of a higher self, as well as an inner power and knowledge beyond my years. There was a significant vision in blue light and a profound telepathic communication that woke me up in the night when I was five years old. It was benevolent and loving, but scared me nonetheless. I remember crying out and my dad coming into my room to see what was up. I said the man that had appeared looked like him because they both had beards. The kernel of wisdom imparted to me that night and the experience itself were etched deep into the essence of my being and also remained in my conscious memory. But I kept it to myself. What that vision told my five year old self has become all the more meaningful since Mandy entered my life.
By my mid-teens I was deeply immersed in learning everything I could about biological evolution and identified as an atheist. I didn’t believe in life after death. My studies and career trajectory focused on empirical science, specifically ecology – the interconnectedness of biotic (living) organisms and the abiotic (non-living) environment. (I see things differently now as I believe consciousness resides in absolutely everything. I remain passionately interested in interconnectedness, but it is the connectedness of souls that fascinates me and informs my world in a more meaningful way these days.)
But I digress. Suffice to say that other than having an awareness of spontaneous moments of feeling inexplicably connected, excited and vibrantly alive, and a few notable experiences of something ‘otherworldly’, I had no overt interest in, or exposure to, an exploration of spiritual matters in my younger years. I didn’t grow up hearing spirits, seeing spirits or particularly curious about whether they existed.
Even now, I don’t generally see spirits. I’m not someone that meets a person and sees the spirits of their passed over loved ones hanging around them. I have clairvoyant abilities, but I am primarily claircognizant, clairsentient and also somewhat clairaudient. This means I am an intuitive and an empath – I feel and interpret energy, and I sometimes hear communications telepathically. I believe that telepathic communications are only transmitted and received when there is permission between the souls of both parties.
When I do mediumship readings for others, I connect with spirit beings (consciousness in the non-physical) by tuning into their specific energetic frequencies. This is the way I prefer to work and, I believe, is my greatest gift. I work as a multidimensional being. Channelling is not just receiving another’s energy – being a channel also requires raising our own frequency to meet theirs ‘half way’. Energetically it was extremely demanding on my physical body when I first started channelling – more specifically, learning to communicate with Mandy – but nowadays I can readily tune into and channel the frequency of spirits across the spectrum from passed over loved ones (including those who were pets), to non-physical entities identifying as spirit guides, angels, archangels, ascended masters, and God Source.
There is an order and a process to how I allow spirits to communicate with me. I don’t leave myself open to spirit contact all the time and I don’t work with what I would regard as ghosts. From my perspective, and much like the classic movie ‘Ghost’ starring the late Patrick Swayze, ghosts are energies or soul fragments that have been released from a physical body, but for some reason reside in the lower vibrations still attached to somewhere, someone or something unresolved on Earth. I believe that souls can sometimes get stuck in a dimension that no longer suits their level of existence, and that some people are called to do the important work of helping them fully transition. But this is not how I experience spirits, or how I experience life as a clear channel and gifted medium. I work with non-physical entities that reside in the higher realms – high frequency energies that have fully integrated back into the spirit world – and who may be overseers of activities on Earth, but are not residing on the Earth plane.
So how did I discover that I can communicate with spirits?
Seven and a half years ago I experienced an onslaught of profound and paranormal happenings, including lucid dreams, synchronicities, visions, and some telepathic communications. It was a wild and wacky time that had been preceded by a deep inner knowingness that something big was building up, and that my life was about to change significantly. I didn’t know what exactly was going on, but one thing was very strong for me as the year 2010 progressed, and that was that I had to move south from Cairns, in the far north of Australia, where I was living at that time.
I considered moving to Tasmania and did a roadtrip there in mid-2010. I figured I should do a recce trip in the winter months as years of living in the humid tropics had diminished my cold weather hardiness. I loved Tassie, and so did my dog companion, Solly. I fell in love with Hobart and walking on the tracks of the snow-capped Mount Wellington. I felt like Hobart could be my home.
While I was staying near Hobart I was contacted about some consulting work as a specialised ecologist. Already weary of the politics involved in the specifics of the project in Sydney, I did not want to take the role on, so I initially knocked it back. But some really strange and quite miraculous things happened to repeatedly draw my attention to this opportunity, and I distinctly recall a deep inner sense that I was being guided to take this work to get something going in Sydney. Opportunity was knocking, quite literally!
Shortly after I got back to Cairns in August, thoughts of potentially moving to Tassie were replaced by a sense that I needed to stay on the mainland for the near future as changes in other aspects of my life quickened pace. I took a part-time job in Cairns and prepared to put my house on the market, cutting my losses after the impact of the global financial crisis. (Yes, I was selling my house without knowing where I was going next!)
I resumed a casual night-time shelf-stocking job in early September as I needed extra income, but I never went back to it after the experiences of that night as Mandy arrived in my life, waking me up for once and for all!
I call her Mandy as Mandy was her name in her last physical life. Mandy is how she revealed herself to me in a variety of ways and continues to identify during our communications and teamwork together. Mandy is a highly evolved soul who made a choice to transition back to the fullness of her magnificent spirit to fulfil her soul contracts with myself and others as part of a greater soul mission – what Jennifer Hoffman calls a “compassion vortex”. In the instant her soul was released from her physical body, Mandy simultaneously returned to spirit and also came to me – nearly 3,000 kilometres away from her physical death. (As pure consciousness we are not constrained by time and space – we can ‘be’ in multiple places simultaneously.) I had no idea what was going on with the physical sensations and telepathic communications that I experienced as they were happening to me, but my own soul declared “It’s the start of the next chapter…” and I knew that my life was never going to be the same again.
The thing is, I didn’t know Mandy in her physical life. We never met as people, although her spirit has confirmed that we came fairly close to meeting on three memorable occasions. Divine Intervention ensured that only our souls were stirred into remembering something about who we were to each other, reminding us that we were still committed to our shared soul mission.
My soul was triggered into remembering something of our soul agreements on several other occasions over the preceding years, but the memories only trickled back into my conscious awareness and began to make sense after Mandy’s arrival in my life.
Since I didn’t know Mandy as a person, and was not going to be informed of her passing by anyone else, she took it upon herself to bring me up to speed! In doing so, the acute grief that I had experienced after my dad’s suicide in 2005 came back up for me as I struggled to understand what was going on with my own emotions.
Then the first meeting for the Sydney consulting job was confirmed in mid-September 2010 (it had been postponed a month at the last minute). As I booked my flight from Cairns to Sydney online, I watched the computer screen with fascination as an energy gently took over control of the mouse and prompted me to change my initial seat selection. I had no idea what was going on, but I trusted it implicitly, and clicked on the seat that the cursor now hovered over.
While in the check-in queue for my flight, my attention was drawn to the back of a woman with long dark wavy hair standing several people in front of me. I remember thinking she reminded me of Lesley, a psychic medium I had visited in Cairns on three occasions in the previous two years. As I took my window seat on that flight to Sydney, I realised that the woman seated next to me was the woman I had noticed in the queue. She was from New Zealand and was travelling back home after visiting Cairns for her sister’s wedding. We chatted like we were old friends, but it was only towards the end of the flight that Nadene mentioned she had psychic abilities. She no longer gave readings, but she picked up on my job changes. She gave me her email address when we said goodbye at Sydney Airport, and told me that I was “a beautiful soul”.
It was a lovely start to the trip, but shortly after leaving the airport my plans for a fun day off in Sydney before the big meeting the following day were quite dramatically interrupted. A week later I reached out to Nadene, a complete stranger before the flight, via email. I told her that I’d had some interesting experiences in Sydney and since I had returned to Cairns, and that I felt a woman’s spirit might be trying to communicate with me. Nadene supported me remotely over the next several months as I shared some of the things that were happening, and tried to make sense of why Mandy was in my life. In changing my seat selection for that flight, Mandy had expertly guided me to meet someone entrusted to assist me in the early stages of her contact with me.
Details of what happened in Sydney will be written about elsewhere, but Sydney is where Mandy had spent the best years of her life, and the timing of my work trip there enabled her to reveal to me who she was. But it took many more synchronicities and soul recognitions with other people in the months following Lesley’s confirmation that Mandy’s spirit was in contact with me, and Mandy herself appearing clearly as a full-bodied vision later that night, before I really trusted who the spirit was that was making her presence known to me and Solly.
Step one had been achieved – Mandy had shown me who she was.
Step two took longer and was even more challenging – given that I didn’t know her, or even know if I knew anyone who did at the time – why was she in my life?
When Lesley confirmed Mandy’s spirit was with me at the end of September, her very first words (expressed with some surprise) were “Oh! You ARE the messenger!” Coupled with my own uncertainty and lack of confidence at the time (“Why me? Why not an experienced medium?”), I believed that once some task had been achieved or specific information relayed, Mandy would exit my life. Via Lesley, Mandy thanked me for something I had already done, and also confirmed my intuitive sense that there was more for me to do. Lesley’s final words as she tuned out of Mandy’s energy were “You will be guided when”.
It seems funny now, but I really didn’t see myself as a budding medium, let alone see myself as becoming a medium who would actually give readings for others, even though the original reason I had seen Lesley two years earlier was seeking guidance about having had some premonitions about events that then happened – I was wondering if I needed to do something more with my intuition in order to help other people. With Mandy’s arrival in my life I felt a strong sense of purpose, as well as an overwhelming love and commitment to honour whatever Mandy’s soul and mine had agreed to. I sensed that we had a “soul contract” (something I had only just read about at the time in Michael Newton’s “Journey of Souls”). Lesley said “It could be something like that – messengers are never random.”
Intuitively I felt that Mandy was my guide and true friend, and I trusted her for the most part. But making sense of the snippets of information that were revealed to me was like trying to piece a jigsaw puzzle together in the dark! I thought the only way I would get more tangible information was by seeing Lesley, and yet I was about to leave Cairns.
A few days after Mandy woke me in the night and appeared as a full-bodied vision, smiling gently at me while sitting on my bed, I called Lesley. Lesley surprised me by suggesting that I might like to join a mediumship development circle she was thinking of starting up. She said “I think you are ready now.” Ready? I was surprised and curious that she made the suggestion. My focus was to be able to understand why Mandy was in my life and what I needed to do. It seems funny now, but for several months into Mandy’s contact I still believed that once I had managed to be the messenger my soul had agreed to be, Mandy would probably leave my life. Job done. Mission accomplished.
Lesley’s mediumship circle didn’t get going before I left Cairns, but my own abilities to receive communications from Mandy developed anyway. As an empath, picking up on other’s pain and grief, I was getting whacked around emotionally, physically and energetically, and a friend whom I played Scrabble with quite regularly suddenly told me he knew how to align chakras. Next time Roy was over for dinner he brought his crystal pendant and I lay on the couch while he used it to align my chakras. The pendant’s movement around my heart chakra was huge, and Roy was taken aback “I’ve never seen a chakra energy that strong before!” he declared. It was an indication of the massive amount of heart expansion that was underway.
After dinner, Roy showed me another use for his pendant – as a pendulum to communicate with his higher self. I was absolutely fascinated as he showed me his pendulum indicating “Yes” and “No” in response to his questions. Another friend – my most overtly spiritual friend in Cairns – had given me a small jade pendant for my Tassie roadtrip, so I tested whether I could use it as a pendulum. It was lighter than Roy’s crystal, but it worked. I calibrated it for “Yes” and “No”, as Roy suggested, and I was off!
Intuitively I felt that it was Mandy communicating with me via the pendulum, but when I mentioned this in passing to Lesley the next time I saw her, just before I moved away from Cairns, she initially responded “No, it doesn’t work like that…” and then she corrected herself “Well, it doesn’t work like that for me…”. I knew deep down that it was Mandy who communicated with me that way, but it wasn’t the first (or last) time that my belief in Mandy’s communication with me was tested.
The scientist and skeptic in me tested the pendulum use in every which way I could think of. I tried my very best to hold my hand so still that not even the tiniest movement of my own fingers could be discerned, but the pendulum still worked. Sometimes I would feel the energy build up and move the pendulum with greater force if I tried to resist it, and sometimes Mandy showed me her laughter by bobbing the pendulum up and down wildly. I asked her to move it more strongly (she did), more softly (she did). Occasionally, as a test, I would ask something I felt intuitively wasn’t for me to know, and I would feel the energy build up around the pendulum, but the pendulum would not move. But the thing with testing “Yes” and “No” answers to questions is – either you know the answers already, or you have to find out if the response was correct. This wasn’t exactly straightforward as I didn’t know Mandy in life. Hmmm.
Around the same time as Roy showed me how to use a pendulum, Anita, the friend who had given me the pendant, gave me a deck of Angel Oracle Cards. I’d never played with Tarot or any sort of oracle cards before so I followed the guidebook’s instructions to explore using the “Healing with the Angels” cards. I repeatedly got the “Soul Mate” card in answer to my questions about why Mandy was in my life, and always got a buzz from receiving this confirmation.
Two months into my awareness of Mandy’s contact with me, as I was packing up the contents of my house for its settlement on 30 November, a memory came back to me about something relevant I had read in a magazine a year or two earlier. I had saved a couple of issues of the magazine concerned in a wooden box where I stored such things, so I had a look for the article before I packed the box. The article was not in the magazines I had kept, but as I looked for it, more memories came back to me about my soul recommitting to our soul contract. Then Mandy drew my attention to something else in the box – a free spiritual newsletter that I had picked up in Cairns. As I flicked through it an article jumped out at me, and I read it with fascination. It was written by someone whose baby boy had died, and was about how his spirit woke his parents one night and communicated with them through a pendulum. They received a few words which were tremendously healing for them. Not just “Yes” or “No” swings or spins of the pendulum, but WORDS!
This possibility was tremendously exciting to me at the time. I hadn’t really considered that my own ability to communicate with Mandy would develop beyond cryptic clues and “Yes” or “No” responses to my questions. “Mandy, can you use the pendulum to communicate words?” I asked. “Yes”. OMG. This was completely unexpected. I asked her to show me, and her first words slowly and meticulously spelled out to me were “I love you”. OMG. This was incredible! (And I welled up with tears.) I then asked the pendulum to show me clearly WHO was communicating with me, and the pendulum wrote out Mandy’s name in full – first and last name. Mandy Rollins. OMG.
I went for a walk around the block with Solly, and played out what had just happened over and over in my mind. “You wrote your name!!!” … “You said “I love you”!” … “You fucking wrote your name!!!!!!” I was ecstatic. Finally I felt like I would have the credibility I needed to fulfil my role as Mandy's messenger.
Nine months after Mandy’s transition back to spirit I was at another meeting in Sydney. When I had a toilet break I realised I’d forgotten to put my pendant back on after my morning shower. In that moment I asked Mandy whether she could communicate with me anyway and she showed me that, yes, I could now receive her responses energetically without using a pendulum. That was my first experience of direct communication with Mandy without a pendulum. In essence, this was my first experience of being a direct channel for spirit. This opened up the possibilities for communication that had up until this point been limited to private moments dangling a pendulum!
Back in Brisbane, where I was then living and doing my best to fulfil the demands of my full-time job, the Sydney consulting work, and everything else that was happening in my life, I had started exploring receiving Mandy’s communications in the morning before getting ready for work, and before I went to sleep at night. Energetically it was very tiring for me, and I’d often fall asleep mid-sentence in bed at night. Sometimes this happened in the mornings also. (Oops!)
At some point, prompted by my friend Roy, I tried receiving a communication from the spirit whom I considered to be my main guide – our soul group’s guide. (This guide had been made known to me a couple of years earlier via Lesley, and when Lesley had confirmed Mandy’s arrival in my life she told me that Mandy was hanging out with this guide, and that Mandy’s contact with me was “all good”.) At this time I was having a wee tanty at Mandy because of housemate situation in Brisbane that she had previously encouraged me to allow and which, despite my personal reservations, I had agreed to because of my desire to assist others and honour my part in our shared soul mission. So, despite not being a fan of any sort of hierarchy, I decided I wanted a communication from our main guide and demanded that Mandy step aside – I wanted another opinion on this matter! An energy came in that was so strong it almost knocked me sideways! The energy signature was so different to Mandy’s, I knew it was someone else. It was fascinating to me, but also made me realise that my body needed some adjustments to be able to cope with anything more than a few words!
Around this time it hit me that perhaps I could develop my mediumship ability as a service to others. I had shared my ability to communicate with my own spirit guides with a few people, including my then housemate who had specifically asked for my help in getting some information from my spirit guides, but I still hadn’t really considered that my abilities would develop in the way they were. I can vividly recall a phone conversation I had with Lesley one evening after work, as I was walking Solly at night. I tentatively said “I think perhaps I’m supposed to develop my psychic mediumship abilities?” “No shit Sherlock!” was Lesley’s response. “Oh, I guess you knew that already?” I laughed. “Er, hello!” was her reply. “So did you know this the first time you met me?” Lesley indicated that it had been apparent to her, and I said something like “I guess you knew I wasn’t ready to hear it at that time, huh. Thank you.”
The rest, as they say, is history. I started reading “Opening to Channel” by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer to develop my ability further, but I didn’t finish the book. Day by day receiving direct communications became easier, clearer, and less demanding on me energetically, but for months it was very draining for me. Running higher frequency energy through the body, which is what channelling is, typically requires some physical adjustments and energetic cleansing. And so, that was a big focus for the next part of my journey because, although I had lived a fairly clean lifestyle, I had become quite energetically congested as a sensitive – an empath.
After a while Mandy’s energy and mine aligned such that communications were seamless and smooth. Nevertheless, despite all of the things Mandy has herself revealed to me, the most convincing experiences for me personally were synchronicities, déjà vu experiences, and soul recognitions with people whom Mandy knew in life. I am grateful for those experiences. But most especially, I am grateful to Mandy for opening me up and developing this gift with me. She works alongside me during all my mediumship readings. As it turns out, our work together is far from finished.
*My previously published blogs are currently private, but some will be available in an archive soon.