IMAGE: A mended broken heart on a Sydney Mardi Gras float (2005) © Louise A. Shilton
“You know where you’re lucky? You know who you want!”
Simon (Greg Kinnear) to Melvin (Jack Nicholson) in the movie “As Good as It Gets”.
Teaching about soulmates, soul group connections, and karma, is a key part of my life purpose. I know only too well the longing for a soulmate companion—and I also know the excruciating heartache and heartbreak that a seemingly ‘failed’ soulmate relationship can cause. When you understand, and have personally experienced, the profound and deep connection with a close soulmate, you can more easily understand why some people get stuck in grief and loss, or swear never to allow themself to truly love or feel deeply again—they are afraid that another experience might completely break them, as the previous one nearly did.
Another reason people can get stuck and catatonic after losing a soulmate—or the promise and hope of a soulmate union—is that they have a self-limiting belief that they lost their only chance at true love and happiness, and they may either deny themselves that opportunity again—or they may settle for a relationship that they know is not anywhere near as good as it could be. Either scenario can result from feelings of guilt, shame, and self-punishment—a feeling of not being worthy of another chance to experience true love.
I have mentioned some profound experiences I had in meeting and recognising one of my closest soulmates a few years ago, in some of my other blogs (for example, “And Then Their Eyes Met…”, “Past, Present & Future Lives”, and “Café de Flore”). What I didn’t mention in those blogs—largely out of respect for the other parties involved, and partly because the story is still unfolding—is that we did not get together romantically.
It feels important to write something about this now, as I know only too well how many people are searching for a profound soulmate connection in this life. And I also understand—from first-hand experience—the crushing devastation that can occur when you meet someone that you know you were destined to meet, but it doesn’t work out the way you might have hoped.
As with any relationship, coming together romantically—and staying together—requires two people to each want the relationship, and each want the relationship to work. And this is true of soulmates—no matter how profound and deep the connection—it still takes two to tango, as the saying goes! There is also an element of Divine Timing at work, not only in how and when we meet our soulmates—but also in the preparation that each person needs to undertake in order to be ready for a soulmate union. This is especially the case when the union is between primary soulmates or twin flames. (Primary soulmates are discussed in Michael Newton's case studies of life between lives, Journey of Souls, and the twin flame concept is referred to in my blog "Café de Flore”.)
At this time in human evolution, there are a lot of souls working out karma with each other. Many of us—myself included—have incarnated at this time with a plan to meet up with some of our close soulmates with the desire to resolve and heal karma together—to free ourselves from repeating old patterns, and to elevate our soul growth and enhance our life experience. Many of us also came in with a desire to no longer create karma for ourselves—to exit the cycle of karma that has dominated the human experience for many thousands of years. But karma and karmic ties are huge topics, and I’ll write about these in more detail in another blog. The point I want to make here is that soulmates have a profound soul connection with each other—yes—but they also have karma to heal, and facing our karma can be scary!
Our soulmates are those souls in our soul group or soul family—they are the ones we primarily hang out with on the other side, when we are in our natural state as spirit beings. They are also the primary ones we incarnate with and play out different roles with in order to learn and grow through a range of experiences. As such, soulmate relationships are not always romantic.
But many of us know whether or not we were planning on finding and meeting a soulmate for a romantic partnership in this life—the deep desire and drive is very, very strong. I had a deep knowing that I was searching for my soulmate long before I really understood what a soulmate actually was—when I just thought it’s someone with whom you have a strong mutual attraction and share a deep connection. (It is this, but it is so much more because our souls are eternal, they have shared history.)
I believe I have met a few of my close soulmates in this life. I had a romantic partnership with one of them, Jon, in my early 20s (Jon passed over in 2007). And I have daily contact with another soulmate in spirit, whom I did not know in this life before she passed over—Mandy is one of my spirit guides.
The one I met a few years ago is the big one for me—and Mandy helped me to find her. I experienced some memory triggers in the years before we met—signs that I only later recalled after knowing who she was. On realising who she was I had a deep inner knowing that we could heal each other—that we each held the keys for healing each other’s hearts. I didn’t understand at that time how this was possible, and I didn’t feel worthy or capable at a human level, but I just knew it inside—I knew it in my soul.
What I understand now is the closeness between this soulmate and myself—our shared desire for the ultimate soulmate union (actually our twin flame reunion) before we incarnated in this life—and some of the history we have together. We have shared other lifetimes on Earth as lovers and partners. We have loved and lost each other over the centuries—and sometimes we didn’t recover from the grief of the loss in that lifetime. Our souls planned to heal our soul wounds in this lifetime—so we made a soul contract with each other, as well as with other souls to help achieve this.
My twin flame soulmate and I met under very challenging circumstances, but we each recognised each other at a deep level. We experienced flashes from the light in each other’s eyes (the light of soul recognition through the eyes is also mentioned in Michael Newton’s Journey of Souls, and referred to in my blog “Do you Believe in Love at First Sight?”). Our souls communicated telepathically, explicitly acknowledging the recognition of each other. (After much staring on her part, her soul communicated first, saying “It's you! You're here. I can't believe you're here”. And my soul boomed from within me in response to her, confirming that I was indeed there for her in unconditional love, just as our souls had planned I would be.) Our souls hugged and whizzed out of our bodies for a brief moment of blissful reunion. Our souls exchanged some energetic healing as our bodies were perfectly aligned—the energy exchanged was pure, unconditional love—I felt a big ball of love boot out of my chest to hers as she danced just inches in front of me. In that instant, our chakras connected, and our kundalini was awakened.
I had more of an understanding about what was happening at the time that we met than my soulmate did—although I was still blown away and rendered speechless in the moment. I trusted that with a connection so deep, so profound, so beautiful, and acknowledged by our souls, we would embark on getting to know each other…
But this wasn’t how things panned out. My soulmate was freaked out by the intensity of our connection—and no doubt also because she sensed that I knew something more. And while I completely understood, and to some extent anticipated, her freaking out—it seemed I was powerless to stop it from happening. After all, I couldn’t actually change my soul signature any more than she could! I couldn’t (and can’t) stop her from feeling the connection between us—regardless of whether she acknowledges it or not.
So, here’s the thing about close soulmates—when you recognise a soulmate, they trigger stuff you need to work on at a very deep level. Soulmates poke at each other’s soul wounds. These wounds can run so deep, no-one else may even notice that they are there—but a close soulmate can ‘see’ them. Soulmates who have incarnated with a plan to heal together—especially those who planned to do so through a romantic union—will stir up uncomfortable stuff in each other because of the very nature of who they are. They are like mirrors for each other—they reflect back to each other what needs working on, and what needs changing in order to really heal and become whole. And this can be both painful and scary! If you have looked into the eyes of a soulmate—you have literally experienced your own soul looking back at you. (Truly enlightened souls are able to see the soul reflected back in the eyes of all others—I believe Nelson Mandela was capable of this after his release from 27 years in prison.)
Contrary to the popular perception that soulmate relationships happen and evolve easily, with an inevitable 'happy ever after'—many soulmate relationships are the most challenging relationships. But they can also be the most gratifying and satisfying. Soulmates will push and poke each other to grow like no other can. When two souls are ready for this, the highest individual and union potential can be reached. But if one or the other soulmate is not ready, the relationship may either not get off the ground—or be a complete disaster if tried on for size before they are both ready to do the necessary soul healing and growth work together.
My soulmate chose to enter into a relationship with someone else. I can’t even begin to express in words the devastation and loss of potential that I felt—utter heartbreak. I thought I’d experienced heartbreak before, but this was at a whole new level. I was bereft. It was as if my lifeline had been cut and I’d be cast out to sea all alone, bobbing around in a little dinghy—but then I’d seen the tantalising promise of land in the distance, and I’d gotten so close to the shore that comfort and safety seemed to be within my reach… but then the tide had turned strongly against me, and mercilessly taken me further away from comfort and safety than I was before knowing that the land had existed.
But on the other hand, I had met her. And this gave me strength and a degree of peace. Finally, after all the years of searching—I knew who I had been searching for. The lifelong search was officially over! And with this knowing came understanding—and with this understanding many wonderful things have transpired and transformed my life. Meeting my soulmate helped to set me on a new course—my life purpose—the path I am now on. But perhaps most important and amazing of all, meeting my soulmate enabled me to not only experience the magnificent wonder of unconditional love upon our first meeting—the experience of the last few years has tested and challenged me in so many ways, and yet my unconditional love for her endures.
By its very nature, unconditional love is not attached to outcome. Loving unconditionally requires an acceptance of what is.
And knowing that I truly love someone unconditionally gives me a certain fortitude and contentedness in this life—even though I have not been able to express my love for this person in all the ways that I had hoped to. She’s in my heart.
Postscript (November 2015)
When I wrote this blog two years ago I was only just starting to understand that this soulmate, whom I had first met three years earlier, is in fact my twin flame. I am aware that most people teaching about twin flames and their reunion journey make a clear distinction between a twin flame (literally the other half and complementary aspect of the same soul) and soulmates (who I regard as souls within the same 'soul group'). I choose to buck the trend by referring to a twin flame as the closest soulmate because it's my personal belief that our other close soulmates are energetically aspects of the same "oversoul" and, ultimately, we are all connected and our souls are all aspects of Source Energy.
Recently, and long after having completely accepted that this close soulmate is indeed my twin flame, I was guided to Kathleen Cranton's "Twin Flame Reunion Mastery" eBook. In this Cranton explains that those of us meeting our twin flames in this life typically have our hearts shattered by other karmic relationships and are in a place where we have given up on true love being achievable when we first meet our twin flame in the physical. Cranton says, “Such difficult karmic connections, whether a twin flame or other type of karmic relationship, prepare the twin flames by arousing the pain and fears of abandonment, manipulation, helplessness, heartbreak, devastation, possessiveness and namely, co-dependency.”
Cranton explains that twin flames who have given up on love before meeting their twin don't realise at a human level “that they were setting themselves up for the ultimate test of unconditional self love, regaining faith and surrender, all of which are so much harder to do once the heart has been shattered already so many times.” But their souls know. Cranton continues, “If life had been easy prior to meeting the twin flame and the twins had received lots of love and everything had been lovely, then the challenge would be too easy with the twin flame and very little expansion would occur. Only through experiencing such intense hardships and then meeting true love after we've already closed up the love shop are we tested so intensely to overcome our fears of getting hurt again that massive leaps and bounds in healing and expansion are achieved.”
Cranton adds, “This is how we expand our love further, through overcoming great hardships and coming out the other end much wiser, much more in love than in ego.”
Thus, the twin flame journey is the ultimate healing journey for both twin flame partners as they must become healed and whole and aligned with each other before they can reunite their soul energy harmoniously. In reunion, their soul energy multiples in expansion and enables them to fulfil their shared purpose and mission of embodying unconditional love as humans, shining together as a beacon of light to lead the way for others, and helping others to heal their own hearts.
Cassady Cayne's short YouTube video succinctly illustrates the powerful soul connection and recognition versus human conundrum of true twin flames, as they experience the discomfort of all their issues coming up to the surface for healing and releasing once they have encountered each other. This excellent little video also highlights the mission that twin flames share in spreading more love across the world.
And this twin flame quiz by Cassady Cayne is designed to help people establish whether the person in question really is their twin flame.
Have you met someone you know is a soulmate with romantic potential, but with whom the relationship has not yet been realised?
Or have you met and joined forces with your romantic soulmate?