Get Comfy in Your Own Company

Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you are choosing someone out of love or loneliness…

Today’s SNAPPY INSIGHT is a quote from Mandy Hale, author of “The Single Woman’s Sassy Survival Guide”. It’s not a book I have read—in fact I had to look up who Mandy Hale was when I saw the quote in a meme on facebook—but it resonates with me.

As someone who has probably now spent more time single than in lover/partner relationships in my adult life, I have often reflected on how some people go from one relationship straight into the next, barely taking time to draw breath—and have on more than one occasion observed how some people make sure they have another lined up in waiting before ending the relationship they are in.

I think the shortest timeframe I have had between lover relationships is about three months, and the later one felt rushed into!

I enjoy my own company and am comfortable being alone. And to a large extent, I have always been this way—it’s just the way I am. That’s not to say there haven’t been times when I really, really, wanted to be in a lover relationship… there were such times in my late 20s and through my 30s. (What I know now is that I really was searching for my soulmate, sometimes in the wrong places… but that is a whole other story!)

Even when I was searching for someone I felt a connection with, I noticed that I felt slightly wary of people who had never really spent time on their own. And, no doubt, people who love to be partnered have felt wary of me—someone who really enjoys their own company, and likes their independence!

But what I recognise now is the human need to feel whole and complete, and many people mistake this as coming from another person, rather than from the essence of who they are. The spiritual journey—and I would say we are all on a spiritual journey, consciously or otherwise, as we are all spiritual beings—is about healing ourselves and realising that we are enough, all by ourselves. When we feel whole and complete, we can be sure that when we do choose to partner with another, it is coming from a place of love rather than a desire to avert loneliness.

Personally, I have felt more loneliness when in a relationship with someone that wasn’t really connecting with me, than I have when I am physically alone. (And I suspect that if people are really honest with themselves, many people would recognise that this is true for them also.)

In truth we are never really alone, as each and every one of us has a team of spirit guides and angels, guiding us and supporting us from other realms—I wrote about this in “You’re Not Alone“.


Have you ever felt lonely within an ‘intimate’ relationship with another?

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